al final

with a little faith,
but full of doubts,
holding some hopes,
yet covered with fears,
she boarded the train at last,

noone's gona wait for her at the next station,
but noone's determined enough to stop her from leaving either.

could the grass be greener on the other side of her world?
would the sun shines brighter or the sky looks bluer?

surprise her,
she's ready this time.

la revedere

a one-way ticket in my hand,
a train waiting to depart,
then what's holding me back?

suicide note

i’ve reached my limit yesterday.
came home, burst into tears,
broke down and cried my eyeballs out.
my head couldn’t process what actually went wrong,
poor brain couldn’t even made up any excuses or put logic to it.
so i just followed what my heart had been dying to do,
admitting how exhausting this all have been.
it’s draining, i’m worn out.
i am not strong, i am failing, i feel hurt, i am afraid, i am alone and i hate it.
i wana belong somewhere, it’s pathetic to be nowhere,
putting on this fake face and consoling my feelings when they wanted completely the opposite.
i have no emotion shield, it’s just in my head,
and i tried to put the idea into others too.

i’m all fucked up.

there, i said it.

i am not a cat person

it's a month trial.
if things get too fussy,
or smelly,
or furry,
i'll give it away to anyone, or spca.
that's a promise!

but why am i talking bout her non stop,
wondering what she's doin at home,
and even having her pic as my hp's wallpaper?

melt my heart like u did before

aerlon : u kiss a lot
the other person : i kiss YOU a lot

let the pictures do the talking

we went to broga to watch the sunrise yesterday.
although we were mentally and physically unprepared,
and someone got grumpy all the way up,
nothing was more satisfying than seeing those broad smiles,
and hearing the laughters as we reached the peak.


broga


breathtaking


calling for the sun


the sunrise

and sharing the moment with the people u truly love and care for was priceless.

fragile

when it happened again,
she came to me crying.
she felt like she failed to help me out.
she asked me what she needs to do.
i said,

'i dunno,
but i have to stop waiting for someone to come and save me’

gift of life II

while filling up the pledger’s card i found in RD,
for me to store in my car,
i came across this part,
special instructions/notes:

‘tell mom and dad i love them’ so i scribbled.

throw me the guitar and i'll play you this song all night long

as it speaks my mind.

what goes around comes around?

if u take all the wrong turns
and misfortunes in your life as punishments
for whatever mistakes u made in the past,
u’ll learn nothing out of them.
u just simply get punished.
full stop.

the monster in me

'u know what ur problem is?' besfren asked me through the phone.
'u think too hard, too much. u put expectations, emotions.'
i couldn't agree more.
'now keep it simple'
'how ? i was trained for 5 years to complicate things' i asked her.
the guilt feeling started to slip into my heart.
'gimme a crash course'
'i cant'
'if u cant get ur hands off the blade'

a fairy tale is a fairy tale

here i am,
staring at the screen,
being obnoxious again,
having so many dark stories to share,
with so many pain and wrath to let out,
but i stopped myself coz i said i began a new life.
where it should be full of colors,
with rainbows, stars and the sun.

now who am i kidding?

forgive me

there's too much anger in me they turned to hate.

keep me smilling

when i saw the blue slipper at the door,
i knew yesterday was real.

savor the moment

it shud be a perfect gift,
the best of scent,
with a lil bit of childhood,
some present love,
and hope for the future.

i'm handing it to you this weekend.

crooked smile

friends asked me why i did it.
i said,
‘it’s like letting out the emotional pain’
or
‘maybe coz i missed them too much’
or
‘i just lost it again’
and whatever i thought should be the answer,
or should explain my behavior.
but there was no accurate reason,
which scared me more than it was to them,
coz it was so casual, emotionless.
i just lied there, thinking what should i feel,
and i called myself a coward for not bleeding more.

‘i need help’ i texted her at last.

my valentine

i hope cupid won't come for a visit this year,
coz i'm still head over heels for that same person.

ugly duck II

i wonder wat she said to her,
before she drove all the way to penang that night.

i wonder wat can i say,
to get her to care.

she said all the right things

u're creating a good karma for urself

u-phone

handphones models are short formed and have nice nick names nowadays.
we have Nxx, i-phone, and BB for blackberry.
but mine is getting longer.

besfren: u guna 'motorola-yang-berat' ke, 'nokia-cabut–bateri-bila-charge’?
me : no la, im using the 'nokia-yang-boleh-mms-tapi-speaker-rosak' tu.

exclusive models, u can’t get it anywhere.